Holding Virtual Memorials — Celebrations of Life Despite COVID019

Despite COVID-19 and social distancing, grief can’t wait. In a time when gathering for a memorial is not something we can do, many are turning towards holding virtual memorials to celebrate our loved ones.

While virtual memorials might not be the ideal situation for everyone, it is an appropriate, safe, and sometimes the only, option for loved ones to gather and grieve together. We want to help make that easier for you by providing some insight into how to make it all happen.

Tips for Holding a Virtual Memorial

You can use a video call platform to host your funeral. Zoom has been used by schools and businesses, and now it’s being used for funerals. Many people can join the call, creating a sense of community as you can all see and hear each other.  Other options include Facebook Live, YouTube Live, and Google Teams (formerly hangouts). Their features range from platform to platform (Facebook and YouTube live will show the service on your profile page and allow your guests to comment) but they all allow for video sharing and a semblance of community via virtual gathering.

Planning a Virtual Funeral

Planning a virtual funeral is a lot like planning a traditional funeral. Here are some pointers to help you cover all the necessary steps:

• To begin, research funeral homes if you don’t have one already. They need to be equipped with the tech tools needed to participate in the virtual funeral. Ask if they have done them before and if they are able to provide any video or recording equipment needed for the service. And be sure to ask if they have their own Zoom account; some do and can provide additional features that aren’t available to everyone.
• Choose a location for your funeral. Make sure there is a strong Wi-Fi connection, good lighting, and the necessary tech hookups such as outlets and extension cords. If your church will allow it and has the abilities that we just mentioned, you can host it from there. Or you can do it from your home or the home of the loved one that has passed.
• Plan your service.  Make a program for the service and make sure everyone knows what it is. An example could be: Words of Welcome, a prayer, musical selections, eulogies, speeches, etc. It might help to have one person be the officiant to keep the program on schedule.
• Once the service has been scheduled, some platforms will give you a link to connect everyone to the service and, if necessary, a password. You will need to send that link to everyone invited; the best way to do this is via email, or you can use a service such as evite (Evite also offers video chat integration with their invitation service).
  • Be sure to include information about donations if applicable. A lot of flower shops are not open right now. Being able to donate to the family or a cause or a charity in memory of your loved one is a great help to your guests.
• One of the best benefits of a virtual funeral on Zoom is the ability to use visuals and extras that make the experience more engaging for guests. You can play songs or share a slideshow of images that everyone can see.
• Consider recording the service for those who cannot attend.
• Send handwritten thank-you notes to everyone who attended. You can include a printed picture and information about your loved one as a memento.

Here are some ideas you and your guests can do to make a virtual funeral more personal:

• Send all of the guests your loved one’s favorite recipe and ask them to join you in preparing it to enjoy together following the service while still together virtually.
• Ask attendees to do something in memory of your loved one and have them announce what it will be at the funeral. Ideas could range from planting a tree, creating a garden, or singing their favorite song.
• Ask everyone to dress accordingly – either in standard funeral wear or perhaps in your loved one’s favorite color or something that reflects their personality or interests.
• Everyone can participate in an activity at the same time, such as coming with ideas for a memorial garden or deciding on charity work that can be done now individually or later as a group in honor of your loved one.
• There are other resources out there to bring people together.  We found one called GatheringUs where you can create a memorial page and even hold a virtual memorial through them. Visit www.gatheringus.com for more information.

Additional resources:

• We found this article that goes more in-depth to planning a virtual funeral on Zoom.
• Here is the CDC’s Funeral Guidance to help you access the risk of COVID-19 spreading at your gathering, and how to keep you and your family safe.

Although virtual funerals are not anyone’s first choice, it is the best way to handle things right now to keep everyone healthy. Keep in mind that you may still be able to plan an in-person Celebration of Life once things are “back to normal.” Take comfort in knowing that it will be much more enjoyable to be able to hug your loved ones and be together as a group once you have had time to grieve.

Addressing Your Grief in the Time of Virtual Memorials and Funerals

Taking care of your grief is even more important right now. Here are a few ways to help you personally in this tough time without the family gathering:

• Create your own (physical or virtual) memory book or webpage to remember your loved one. You can ask family and friends to submit their own memories to add.
• Reach out to loved ones individually, stay connected with them and share stories.
• Seek spiritual support from faith-based organizations or friends.
• Use grief counseling services or support groups that can be offered over the phone or online; talking to someone outside of your family group might be helpful.
• Read books about grief and loss.
• Take part in an activity that is significant to the loved one you lost, plant their favorite flowers, make their favorite meal, volunteer for their favorite charity if possible, or plant a tree in their memory.
• Write a letter to the loved one you lost and save it to read next year.

The Celebration of Life doesn’t have to be limited to the time of death, it can be something that brings you joy each year. Someday normalcy will return and families can gather to honor those lost during these difficult times. We are all in this together and need to help each other any way we can.