Grief can feel very lonely, especially after losing a partner. You might have shared most of your time with them and now find it hard to know what to do with yourself. Connecting with others can also be tough.
Many people who grieve also deal with other issues like depression or anxiety. But no matter how lonely you’re feeling, these tips might help you out.
Explore Grief Support Groups
After the death of a partner, many people feel lonely even when surrounded by other people. Even among well-meaning people, it’s an incredibly isolating feeling to be the only one in the room who “gets it.” Explaining your grief can be so exhausting that you keep it inside you and carry the weight yourself.
To deal with this type of loneliness, consider a grief support group in your area. You can surround yourself with people who understand your experiences. After all, they have experienced the same. You can skip the step of explaining yourself and receive support from people who have a better idea of what you need.
Respond to “Let Me Know if You Need Anything!”
After the loss of your partner, how many people told you to let them know if you needed anything? Have you lost count? Have you taken anybody up on that offer?
If you haven’t, you’re not the only one. Many people don’t ask for help because they don’t know what to ask for. Your friend said “anything,” but how much can they realistically handle? What if they’re busy? What if they didn’t actually mean it? Did “anything” mean emotional support, help with chores, or something else?
It’s best to be specific when offering help to a grieving friend. That said, your friends may not know that. The offer to help with “anything” is usually sincere. People make that offer because they don’t want to limit what you can ask for.
In practice, though, asking for help takes energy. You may not be sure where to start. Even so, consider saying yes. Start by choosing one thing that has drained your energy recently. Then, ask for help with that. If it feels weird to ask a specific person, try saying something more general on social media.
For example, you might say, “Hey, friends! I’ve been struggling to keep the kitchen clean after my partner’s passing. Does anyone have a couple of hours this week to help?”
If you’re unsure what your friends and family could help you with, consider some of the following;
- watching TV with you without saying anything
- helping you plan meals
- babysitting the kids
- cleaning a part of your house
- doing dishes
- bringing groceries
- talking to you about your partner
Remember, asking for help can let you manage your energy, which is a great way to stay healthy as you grieve.
Avoid Unhealthy Habits
Many people use unhealthy coping mechanisms for loneliness. Some may numb their pain with hours spent on social media. Others may use drugs or alcohol. This is why there’s a connection between loneliness and addiction.
As you grieve, look out for unhealthy coping methods. While these strategies may provide temporary relief, they can worsen loneliness over time. Instead, explore safe coping mechanisms like exercising or spending time with pets.
Pursue Activities to Make New Friends
Working through your grief is important. Sometimes, though, you want a distraction. If that’s the case, finding new activities can help. New activities can help you meet new people, which can alleviate loneliness.
The difficult thing is finding those activities. Making friends as an adult isn’t easy, but it is possible.
For instance, you might see if your local library offers free activities. Many libraries do. You might find options like hobby clubs, yoga classes, and more. Other activity options include:
- volunteer opportunities
- adult education classes
- recreational sports leagues
- fitness classes
- book clubs
- spiritual services
- parenting groups
Remember Your Partner with Other People
Your friends and family members might not mention your partner around you. If they don’t, it’s not because they want to erase your partner’s memory. It’s because they don’t know what to say or don’t want to make you feel sad.
However, you were going to feel sad whether or not someone mentioned your partner. And nobody can remind you that your loved one is gone as you haven’t forgotten.
People don’t always think that way, though. If they knew that you wanted to talk about your partner, they’d happily share their own memories of them. If nobody offers stories or memories about your partner, consider asking them to share their stories. Let them know that you want to hear them.
Start Small and Celebrate Progress
The human brain uses something called the “negativity bias.” This means that we’re more likely to pay attention to the bad than the good. It’s a way for our brains to protect us. If we notice something “negative,” like a tripping hazard, we can step out of the way.
That said, the negativity bias can also hurt us. If we have a good day overall, but one thing goes wrong, we’ll usually pay attention to that one bad experience.
What does this mean for people dealing with loneliness? Well, when you feel lonely, you may not notice positive interactions. When you don’t notice positive interactions, it can make loneliness worse.
When you connect with loved ones, it’s okay to start small. Especially because any social effort takes a lot of energy after the death of a partner. When you have these small interactions, notice them. Celebrate your social “wins.” Instead of thinking “I only left the house once this week,” try thinking “I’m proud of myself for leaving the house.” You can take bigger steps when you have more energy.
This does not mean that you gaslight yourself. You don’t have to tell yourself that you’re not lonely, even when you are. However, your brain probably doesn’t need help recognizing loneliness. It may need a little encouragement to notice when you feel connected.
Enjoy these moments as you notice them. At first, these moments of happiness may feel strange. Still, you deserve to experience them. Connecting with other people is a vital form of self-care that can help you heal as you work through your grief.
Contact Une Belle Vie Customer Service